Things are starting to get better, I’ve been in PICU (psychiatric intensive care unit) for two weeks and I’m making small improvements everyday. After having a really good weekend I’ve been rewarded by being allowed in the gym for 30mims and I’ve just got all my clothes back. I’m still on 2:1, but they are starting to trust me more so hopefully soon it will be reduced. I’m not actually allowed on tumblr so I can’t answer many questions, but hopefully this update has answered most of them.
So, how do you live?
I know how to recover. Eat, promise to eat, eat more. Stand in the mirror, promise yourself that your being is beautiful. That the growing stomach and thighs are just growing with power over your toxic mind. Insist you are perfect and wonderful until you believe it.
But how do you actually live?
How do you not write, think, breathe the ghost of your disorder? You’ve spent a decade slowly killing yourself from the inside out. How do you find yourself without your sickness? I can’t help but wonder what will happen to me when I am no longer the snide, sick bitch with puke stains on her cheek. I can’t help but wonder how will they react when you are no longer a dying patient. Who will I become when I can no longer introduce myself as the girl with an eating disorder?
How do you live?"
- Michelle K., How Do You Live? (via michellekpoems)
"I can’t have an eating disorder, I’m too fa—
*GRABS YOU FIRMLY BY THE SHOULDERS*
EATING DISORDERS ARE MENTAL ILLNESSES.
MENTAL. AS IN, BRAIN.
EATING DISORDERS ARE IN YOUR BRAIN.
NOT IN YOUR TUMMY OR YOUR ARMS OR YOUR THIGHS.
CUT THE BULLSHIT.
Anonymous asked: Any news yet huni? By the way, what is the actual difference between PICU and where you are now? Would the PICU be more secure? Hope you're staying strong xxx
I’m in PICU now, it’s a lot more secure and there’s less patients and more staff. Xxx
Anonymous asked: How tall are you?
Anonymous asked: What will it be like. A hospital or a house ?